Saturday, August 31, 2013

Verdict: A cold

So, the bad mood resolved into a cold. First Nathan, then daddy, and then me. Fun fun.

However, now he's much better but still waking up at night for a bottle. We had this under control. He was sleeping through the night. I told MSJ that starting Sunday night was it, we're getting the sleeping thing back under control. We're all happier when we sleep all night long.

I had a nice shopping trip to Goodwill yesterday. I got 1 shorts, 2 exercise/yoga pants, and 1 jeans. And Nathan a few little toys. We are looking for some of the good infant toys, stacking and minor puzzles and such. I need to go to some garage sales and see what I can find.

hm. Not much going on. MSJ is at a bar watching the MMA fights, Nathan is asleep, I'm tired. It's 9PM. I think I'm going to go to bed now. Or at least go lay in bed and read.

Boy, this is definitely not one of my more interesting posts. It sort of reads like I feel.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Poor baby, Poor mommy and daddy!

After waking up at 2, 3, and 4 this morning, my goofy kid woke up at 7:30, bright eyed. until 8:30, at which point he began to wail. He's stuffed full from having a bottle at 2, 3, and 4 last night, and then another 3 ounces this morning at 8. I can't rock him, hold him, or walk with him enough to help him. He has tylenol in his system, no fever that I can tell, and no obvious teeth coming in. So, at 9:15, after he gave a huge yawn and eye rub, I laid him in his crib. He proceeded to cry for 20 minutes, then continued with a low grade whine for the next 15.

You'd think after that much crying he'd be tired of crying and just sleep. It rather amazes me that he still has a voice to cry with.

Poor MSJ, after being awake while nathan cried, he had to get up and go to work at 7AM. I don't know how he did it, because I'm going to go take a nap while nathan is sleeping!

Poor guy, I have no idea how to help him. Any ideas?

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Busy Days

I've been helping my dad clean out the house. It needed it before mom died, and it really needs it now. We've been doing this for probably 3 months now, I go up 1 day a week and we pick a room/project and do what we can to complete it. We're done with the upstairs. All of mom's clothes, all of her fabric and craft stuff, most of the old clothes in the other bedroom closet.

My brother has come over to try to help, but he get's so frustrated with dad. Dad wants to look at everything, pass his eye over it, and make sure he knows what he's throwing/giving away. And I'm a recycler, if I think someone else will use it I will make the effort to try to give it to someone else. My brother just wants to throw it ALL away. He and dad don't work well together on this project.

To be fair, my brother and dad don't work well together, at all. Under any circumstances. But that's another post.

Anyway, I went to dad's today. If my brother's family is coming over, I'll take nathan with me so they can visit with him. If they're not going to be there I usually try to find someone to watch him while I'm working. Last night I couldn't find a sitter, so MSJ volunteered to stay home with him. It was very helpful, so I agreed. When I got home MSJ said something to the effect of 'He's a really busy guy, you have to watch him the whole time. And he's fast, too! Not I know why sometimes you don't get anything done during the day!'

I just smiled and agreed. Yep, he's a busy little guy alright. That's why sometimes when I'm in the kitchen cooking I just put him in his exer-saucer-bouncy-thing and take him with me. He's good for 30 or so minutes, and I can get another 30 minutes if I keep giving him stuff to eat, puffs and yogurt drops and stuff like that. It's usually time for either a nap or dad to come home at that point, so most of the time it works out ok.

It was only about a month ago that he became mobile, and now he's pulling up on stuff. He can't stand yet, but he's trying very hard. Sometimes he'll get pulled up on something, he'll get distracted and then let go and try to walk. Then he falls, sometimes sideways, sometimes back, only once so far face first. He gets very upset when he falls, I don't think it hurts him, but it definitely scares him. It only scares me a little bit.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013


Started my period today. A bit sad. I wouldn't have known if we hadn't been trying.

I'm not sure that this actually counts as a pregnancy. I guess so, but it wasn't real for me yet, so it's a strange state of mind I'm in. Sad, but a bit hardened. I was sort of worried about this, so the fact that it happened isn't exactly unexpected, just unwanted. I think it's a little bit of detachment. It's not real until we hit 4 months. Then it can be real. Otherwise, I don't think my heart can continue to take it.

I only have a couple of more tries before I'm done. I've lost 2. I can't lose too many more.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Is it me, or am I getting old?

I went out tonight to celebrate with a friend her 30th birthday. We were quite close once, but over the last 2 years we've grown apart. It's not either of our fault, it's just life.

The party started at 8 at a bar. I knew I couldn't stay long, we have church in the morning, and I was informed that I would be having my picture taken tomorrow, so I don't want to look all hungover and sick, and Peanut and I missed church last week, he was up several times saturday night, no one really got any rest last saturday. So I told myself I'd leave around 10, 10:30.

So I left Peanut with MSJ, and went to the bar. No one, other than me, the birthday girl and the party planner, showed up until 8:30, and 2 or 3 didn't show up until a little after 9. In an effort to blend in I had a wine spritzer, light on the wine. At the first bar. At the second bar I had water. Then someone brought shots for the table. So we all had a shot. Well, I had a sip of my shot and then passed the rest onto the birthday girl.  I looked at my phone, it was 10:30, so I told one of my other friends, who looked shocked and amazed that I was leaving that early, went to birthday girl and gave her a hug and apologized that I had to leave so early, when it was quite clear that the party was just getting started, because as I left, there was another round of shots being brought to the table. I got the feeling that there would be some discussion after I left about the fact that I left. Birthday girl was totally ok with it, we hugged and said what we always say, that we need to get together more often. Which is true, but we've been saying that for more than a year now.

Part of me really wanted to stay and drink and act single and have a good time. Another part of me was glad it was 10:30 and I could go home. As I sit here writing this I'm at odds in my brain. I really WANTED to want to stay and be a party girl. But I began to realize that I missed my husband, I didn't get to kiss my son goodnight, and I had to be up in the morning (I'm sort of opposite of others right now. we're busy on weekends, but I can sleep in a little on Monday morning).

For the first time since I've been married, I realized that I did give up something to be a Pastor's Wife. I don't have the freedom to go out saturday night and get hammered, then skip church because I'm too hungover to walk right. It's true that by the time we were married I had pretty much given that up anyway, but I guess it was still an option then. I guess it still is an option, but it's not one my husband would be happy with. And not one I would be happy with. It's a nice idea, and it sounds like fun, but hangovers hurt a lot more than they used to, and the smoke makes my sinus's close up, and the loud music makes my head hurt. Damn, I sound old there.

As a side note, one of the guys I knew from the last job, and he was always nice enough, but tonight the only thing he said to me was something snide about my Pastor husband, which was not only rather uncalled for, but also pretty rude. And the fact that I felt the need to defend my husband and family to some d-bag didn't make me feel any more inclined to stay out late.

Normally I have good endings to my posts. I guess I'm out of practice, because I don't have any more thoughts on either of those topics.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Say Yes to the Dress

I've been watching a lot of SYTTD lately, and I have a question:

Do you suppose there are women watching this show, and see someone else try on their dress, and then the person proceeds to tell the world how ugly this dress is and how horrible it looks and how no one should EVER wear it? How many women get their feelings hurt? How many women would even notice that it was their dress? Would you be hurt enough to not watch the show anymore?

Also, I should quit watching that show, because it makes me second guess my wedding dress...from 3 YEARS AGO! Like, maybe I should have looked longer? I liked it, but initially was looking for something far different. Not that it matters, because it was 3 YEARS AGO.

oh boy!

Well, after only 1 month, we are pregnant again. yes, we will have an 18mo and a newborn. Oh MY! What were we thinking!? MSJ was worried it would take us several months, so we should start maybe a little earlier than I would have, so when I came up pregnant after 1 month he was a little shocked. I wasn't. I told him it would only take a month or 2, we're both pretty fertile people. It's a shame we're stopping at 2, we could probably have easily had 4 kids.

I'm both worried and excited. How am I going to do 2 children under 2? with the first one I at least had a chance to nap when Nathan did, but with 2 that won't be quite so easy. I'm still not confident with 1!

But then, I know couples who would give anything to have my problem, to get pregnant a little too easily. I know women who would love to have to worry about taking care of 2 babies, or even 1 baby.

As I have said for several years now, Show me the path, Lord, and I will walk it. MSJ wants me to modify it to Show me the easy path, Lord, but I told him it didn't work like that. The path is rarely just easy. But so far, by following His path, I have found peace and joy. Not always easy, but things seem to work out better.

Show me the path, Lord, and I will walk it. I believe Lord, forgive my unbelief.

PS: if you know me IRL, we're not sharing this news publicly, so be discreet! Not that anyone is reading this blog anymore. Ah well.

EDIT: Wow, amazed to have 2 comments! People like me! :)