Wednesday, March 28, 2012


I was a little overweight when I got married. On our honeymoon cruise I gained about 7lbs. I know I know, I ate for crap and a lot of it.

The pounds came on, a little at a time. Then I got pregnant and gained 5lbs before the miscarriage. I am the heaviest I've ever been.

In the last 3 years I've tried Weight Watchers, twice, low fat, low cal, low fat and cal, slimfast, another online diet tracker thing that I can't remember the name of, and even one of those diet pill prescriptions. Nothing has worked.

Oh, I might lose 1 or 2 lbs, but nothing that encourages me to stick with it.

So MSJ and I decided to reduce carbs after christmas. Not No-Carb, just smarter food choices. To be a lifestyle eating change, not a temporary diet.

Still, nothing.

So my trainer suggested I try the strict first 2 week No Carb diet, sort of South Beach/Atkins thing. I try to keep the total carbs under 20. It's only for 2 weeks, to kick start my system. I was really disappointed to see no change. But then I got on the scale this morning. Holy Cow! Since weighing myself on Sunday I've lost 2 1/2 lbs! Great news! I can't maintain this level of strict dieting, I'm already getting a little cranky when I get hungry, and I miss fruit and vegetables, and I'm getting tired of just meat, but I can totally do a low-carb diet.

Finally, something is working.

Now, I'll probably get pregnant right quick and it won't matter anyway.  I guess that would be ok with me. :)

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Sad news

MSJ's Mother's fiance died Sunday night. He went downhill fast, he was hallucinating and had become physically aggressive. MSJ's mom called the police and ambulance, and his condition deteriorated quickly. It's heart breaking, the funeral is saturday, which would have been the day they were getting married.

We already had the plane tickets, so now we have something like $800 in credits for Southwest.

MSJ is going to see if they have a home for his dog, and if they don't, would it be ok with me if we took it. It's a bulldog. I said it was ok with me, but how did he intend on getting it, since they live in Kansas City? He's talking about driving up there after Easter and bringing the dog back with him. We'll see, we might get another dog yet.

I don't understand

Ok, I confess. I don't get it.

I started this job in October 31st.

I was originally going to be trained by a collaborative group at the Large city University. They have a decent animal facility, but not the space or personnel to do what they wanted to do. Everyone was very excited to have me join the 2 labs.

I was helping K for a couple of weeks, but one friday at group meeting she informed me that she was too busy to train me. I was a bit taken aback, since I thought that was the plan, but I honored her wishes. I went to my supervisor at the university, explained the situation, and asked if I should do anything else. He said no. I offered my help to another person at the university, still in the groups, peripherally involved in my project area, but close enough that if he wanted help I could have helped. He said he didn't need any help right now, but he'd let me know. That was in December.

So I came back to the Hospital. My supervisor here talked to my supervisor there, and it was agreed that I helped with the project here in the hospital. I was excited! They're doing some cool experiments. I got to help once or twice with the animals, and then I was sort of gradually phased out.

It was then decided that I be moved to ANOTHER PI. But he doesn't have any protocols in place to work with animals. So I wrote and submitted an animal protocol. I submitted it at the beginning of March, it should be approved at the end of march.

I've offered my help to several people, doing different things. Everyone says thanks, but they don't need help right now, but they'd let me know if they did.

I don't get it. I don't think I'm being a know-it-all, or arrogant, or pushy or bitchy. I'm not offensive, I don't have a body odor issue, I chew gum so I don't have bad breath. I'm trying not to be offended, but I don't know how else to take this. My Co-worker, who subtly phased me out of helping with her animal experiments, is going to be gone for a few days to a conference. She's leaving 2 other people to do an experiment that could probably use an additional set of hands. So I went to Alex and told him that if he and Jenny needed help, to let me know and I would be glad to help. He told me of course, they would come get me when they went into the animal facility. But I could tell by the expression on his face that he had no intention of including me on this.

I DON'T GET IT!! I have lots of experience. I can help. I can even help by just helping with moving cages. I want to help. I'm bored to death of Facebook, email, and blogs. I've resorted to reading FARK obsessively, so that I can pass the weekly friday news quiz. I even do the jumble each day in the online version of our local paper. It's seriously making me doubt my abilities in the lab. Maybe Dr. C was right, that I wouldn't be able to compete in a lab that is as active and results-oriented as this one is.

I don't understand.

Monday, March 5, 2012

MSJ's family, blessings, and letting go

I wrote a few posts back that MSJ's sister is pregnant.

Found out on last Monday night MSJ's brother's wife (MSJ's SIL, and I guess, by extension, my SIL, too) is also pregnant.

Found out last week, I think Wednesday, that MSJ's mother's fiance (Fred) has stage 4 adenocarcinoma and has multiple lesions in his lungs.

Also, his mother is getting married on March 17th.

That's a lot of emotion to handle within 1 week, and none of it happened to me!!

MSJ and I blessed the bedroom yesterday with a mezuzah. I asked him if it was ok to put a Jewish blessing on our Christian house, and he replied that the Jewish culture is our cultural heritage. Christians came from the Jewish religion, and that we are Children of Israel,

"This mystery is that through the gospel the Gentiles are heirs together with Israel, members together of one body, and sharers together in the promise in Christ Jesus. -Ephesians 3:6

And since we're the same, he didn't feel that God would be upset that we took an old-testament command and used in today. And apparently, the woman who owned the house before us was Jewish, because there is a mezuzah on the outside of the front door frame. So, probably there was on on that door frame at one time already. I have to say, that the little gesture, made me

So, with the blessing of the bedroom, maybe I'm free to let the pain of the miscarriage go. I'll always wonder about her/him. Who s/he would be, what s/he would look like. It's funny, I never doubted the child going to heaven. I always knew. I didn't like that I lost him/her early, but I didn't doubt his/her place in God's Kingdom.

My heart feels lighter. My mind is a little calmer. It's a little easier to smile. My dreams last night weren't as hard, I wasn't struggling all night. And, God willing, we'll have another little miracle to look forward in the not to distant future.

As God wills.