Monday, November 19, 2012

Lots of stuff, and not really that much stuff.

I had 2 baby showers, one was given by the ladies of the church, and then I had a slightly more fun one given by 2 friends. 

The first one was very plain,  we had angel food cake with strawberries, fruit and cheese trays, I opened gifts, held them up and everyone ooh'ed and ahh'ed, and then we we all went home. I had several people tell me how nice a shower it was. (this is me smiling and shaking my head). The invitation even said no kids. It was just older ladies. no games, no sillies. Lots of gifts! it took about 1 1/2 hours to open them all.

The second shower was thrown by my friends. There were kids, there was pin the sperm on the egg, there was who can drink the juice out of a bottle fastest (the 7yo won that competition), there was a fruit baby, a small watermelon cut into the shape of a basket with a melon-baby with grape eyes and a pacifier. Only a handful of ladies, but much more fun! 

These 2 events left me with lots of gifts, all of them in bags. So I had MSJ put all of the gifts into our extra bedroom. except that Dad is coming tonight to help MSJ finish the floor, and he needed a place to sleep. So all weekend I've been sorting through all of the gifts. A little at a time.

My stamina is shot to hell, so doing laundry is too much for me, and MSJ is so busy with so much that it's too much. There's a lady at church who really wants to help, so I kept a few things for us to wash here, sort of sentimental items, and the rest, a full laundry basket and a medium-ish box, full of clothes, towels, washclothes, burp clothes, and blankets, to this lady so that she can wash them all. That way at least when little man comes we have clothes for him to wear.

MSJ also went yesterday and bought the pack and play with the bassinet, so little man also has a place to sleep.

It seems like a LOT of stuff, but really, it's not that much stuff. It looks like a lot of clothes, but really, it's not very much. 

Man, I hope we're ready for this.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

35 weeks~

I'm such a bad blogger.

Here I am, on bedrest, well, it's actually couch-rest at home, and I'm still not blogging.

So far it's been an eventful pregnancy. I'm gestationally diabetic, which I've been controlling well with diet, but my fasting numbers were a little too high for Dr. H, so I take glyburide, but it bottoms me out so I can only take it every other day, and only with LOTS of protein during the day, otherwise my sugar drops below 50, and that feels yucky! shaky and sweaty and hot and cold, can't concentrate, it sucks.

About 2 weeks ago my blood pressure began slowly going up. I was told to start tracking my blood pressure at home, and if it got above a certain level I was to call. I did a 24 hour urine collection (oh boy!) to test for protein, to test for pre-eclampsia/toxemia. it was negative, but Doc kept an eye on my blood pressure. then last week I gained 8lbs in a week, and my blood pressure spiked at my appointment, so the doc put me in the hospital for 24hr observation and another 24 hour urine collection. still no protein, but was sent home on modified bed rest. On Tuesday i had a bad reading, so she sent me home on full bed rest, and ANOTHER 24hr urine collection. I turned that in this morning, so hopefully it will still be negative, but my blood pressure is still rising. the doc gives me about 2 weeks before she thinks I'll either go into labor on my own, or my blood pressure will force an induction.

I'm at 35 weeks tomorrow, everyone's goal is to make it to 37 weeks. It's not great, but the longer peanut is inside me the better it will all be.

So I'm being a good girl, sitting on the couch with my feet up, watching tv and reading and being bored. Ladies from the congregation have offered to come sit with me, but since I'm not in that great a mood, sitting with someone that I have to be nice/kind to isn't really that enticing. 

I'll just have to take it a day at a time and see how next week goes. I have dr appointment this afternoon, and then 2 next week again.  No guarantees, but I'll try to post again soon.

Monday, September 17, 2012

My poor husband!

Perhaps, for some of my IRL friends, this may be TMI. This is a post about sex.

Poor MSJ.

With the pregnancy I have zero sex drive. ZERO. NONE. no interest at all. It doesn't hurt or anything, but I don't really have any interest in it.

Normally I have a pretty active sex drive, and that has worked well for both of us. And I'm not necessarily opposed to sex, I'm just not going to seek it out. That puts MSJ at a bit of an impasse. He wants sex, but he knows I'm just going along for the ride, I'm getting nothing out of it. That feels sort of wrong to him, like he's using me, and that isn't sitting well with him. He wants me to be actively engaged, and I try, but really, I'm not.

On Sunday he tried seducing me, but it was so obviously not working. Mostly he was just annoying me. That made me laugh, which made him sigh. I told him I loved him, and that it would get better after I have the baby.

So for now, he's having to make do with rather perfunctory sex, I'm involved merely as a spectator. It's a bit disheartening for both of us.

Someone please tell me my sex drive will return post-partum!

Thursday, September 13, 2012

I don't understand...

I don't have a problem with hunting. I really don't.

I understand hunting deer or elk for food, and antlers, but most use the meat, so I understand that.

I understand hunting predators if you're a rancher. I don't always agree with it, but I understand the motive to protect your investment. I really hate hunting wolves and large cats because mostly they don't take out cows and sheep, but if they are preying on your livelihood, I do understand.

I'm not a huge fan of hunting for furs, but I understand that, too. You have to make a living, and people want furs. Hell, I want a fur coat, I can't condemn someone for making a living killing things that I want turned into a coat.

But seriously.

A zebra?

You're not going to eat it. You're probably not going to use the skin. The most you're probably going to do is cut the head off and mount it on the wall.

And how hard is it, really, to take down a zebra? And I KNOW you didn't go to africa, so that means you took it down in a hunting park. With a fence. Now, minor props because you used a bow, but still. A Zebra??? You could have accomplished the same thing by waiting for one to die naturally, then cut the head off and mount it.

I just don't understand...

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

It's been how long??

I'm not sure how that happened. Time goes by fast.

I'm 26 weeks pregnant. only 14 more to go!

I found out 2 weeks ago that I have gestational diabetes.

My hands have also started swelling, which is often an indication of preeclampsia, but my blood pressure is still low, so they don't know what that means. It might just be that I'm retaining tons of water (which I am, I'm wearing the 15-20mmHG diabetic compression socks), and that the hand thing is an extension of that. Still, it makes me worry.

I thought I was handling it all ok, but yesterday I fell apart in the OB's (Dr. H) office, so I guess maybe it's stressing me out more than I think. Based on a couple of my fasting sugar numbers, there's a good chance that I will have to go on medication before the end of the pregnancy. yay. because I need MORE medication!

It's a big pain in the butt. I have to take my blood sugar 2 hours after each meal, and 1 fasting. That's 4 times a day. I usually do the fasting one first thing in the morning. I have a nutritionist, but I'm not sure about her. The diet she put me on increased my calories by about 250/day, and she added more carbs to my diet. Really? Because apparently, I wasn't eating enough carbs! I know, sounds crazy to me, too. Which is one reason I'm not sure about her.

She asked me to track my meals and sugar. So, little miss OCD that I can be sometimes, I found an online tracker and starting recording my sugars and diet. Then I printed the reports and emailed them to the nutritionist, and took a copy of them to my ob/gyn. She was so excited and impressed to get all the information. I thought everyone did that, but I guess I'm a bit of an outlier on this.

Anyway, fell apart in the OB's office yesterday. Dr H asked my worst case scenario, which for an older mom with gestational diabetes and the potential for preeclampsia (though slight at this point), and the worst case scenario is a still-born. Makes me cry if I think about it too long, so that's the last time I'll even mention it. She reassured me, and told me that for the next few weeks she'll have me come in once a week to make sure baby is still doing ok. The next worst thing is a C-section. I can't express how much I don't want a C-section. I'm willing to do a lot, a LOT, to prevent that. Including exercising up to the day of delivery, and sticking my stupid fingers 4 times a day.

Dr. H also referred me for a second size scan ultrasound. (Did I mention we're having a boy? No? Oh, we're having a boy!). He was in the 93rd percentile for size at the first ultrasound, and Dr H wants to make sure he's still on the right track. I'm guessing that if he starts to get too big they might induce early. But medical induction (by all accounts) hurt a lot worse than natural induction. And then maybe I won't be able to do the whole no-med thing.

MSJ and I went to our first Bradley Method class last night. It was good, I'm not sure I agree with all of it, but it seems like good information, and anything that will help before the labor is good. That means I have some exercises I have to do each day. I figure since we're paying for it, I'm going to learn something. If absolutely nothing else, learning to relax should help the anxiety I've been having lately. Plus, the lady wasn't personally offended that I still might consider pain relief if the labor goes on for too long. She's also a lactation consultant, so that's a good resource to have on hand.

I haven't really gained any more weight. I gained about 20lbs in the first 4 months, but I haven't really gained since then. That makes me happy, and as long as peanut is still growing well then all the better. He can suck all that excess fat off of me.

Dr H told me I had to stop CrossFit, said it was a little too high impact. We had modified it down, but she still said no. So I went to a YMCA that's not too far from us, and I've begun swimming. Although it might be raining today, so I might not get to swim. However, because I am sometimes a smart little cookie, I also have workout gear in a separate bag so I can walk/run/weights if I can't swim. They have childcare starting at 6 weeks, so it will be good after peanut is born, too.

I guess that's it for now. I hope I'll be back soon.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

'57 Chevy Bel-Air

The whole time I was growing up, my mom wanted my dad to try to restore an old car. Not for her, but she always thought that dad would enjoy it, taking something old and making it new again, and he always liked tinkering with cars and stuff. But we always had stuff going on, so dad never did. Mom gave up after awhile, though she did bring it up again after he retired and recovered from the cancer stuff. But Dad just wasn't ever really interested in it.

Not long after mom passed away, my dad found an old car and had it restored, 'Because momma always wanted to have an old car restored!' Well, sort of, mom always thought that Dad would get a kick out of restoring a car, not that mom really wanted a restored old car. But regardless, dad found an old junker and had a local auto restorer work on it.

It turned out beautifully, a candy-apple Red 1957 Chevy Bel Air. Dad is so proud of this car, he got a little plaque that said it was in memory of mom, and he took a picture of mom from high school and has it hanging from the rear view mirror in a frame. He took MSJ and me for a ride in it in Memorial Day.

He told us that he has entered it into 2 car shows, he won 7th place in 1 and 3rd place in the other, and he has plans to enter it in several more. In the end, having this car has opened dad's world a little, he's going out and meeting people, interacting and making at least acquaintances, possibly friends. He is just a whole other person than he was after mom died. I know that we won't ever forget mom, but I'm glad to see that both dad and I have gotten past the worst of the mourning. I can't really speak for my bro, since we don't really speak anymore. But that's a whole other post.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Klutz strikes again.

Last night I went to get groceries. Upon unloading the groceries at home, I had my hands and arms full, but I managed to get the last bag out of the car. I didn't want to have to come back out, so I used my first 2 fingers on my right hand to try and pull down the back gate of my car. I felt something snap in my wrist, and it hurt! But I didn't give it too much thought.  Until this morning, when I can hardly put any pressure on the wrist at all. I bought a wrist brace to help, but since I'm retaining so much fluid right now, my right hand is all swollen and puffy compared to my left hand. It's sort of funny, but a little painful!

Monday, June 4, 2012

Hello, a small rant, and then 2 stories

So, lately every day I've had something I could blog about, but I seem to have lost the discipline I used to have about this blog. I have decent things to write about, but I'm having a hard time sitting down and writing them.

This is my complaint about the country, and even the developed world right now. No Discipline. We do the easy thing. Congress passes short-term transportation band-aids instead of sitting down and doing the hard work of coming up with a bi-partisan, practical, budget friendly bill. Families are eating fast food because it's easier than finding recipes, making a list, going shopping, cooking meals, and then eating the left-overs. We just put things on our credit cards instead of saving money for a project and then not overspending on said project. It's too easy to do the easy thing right now. And there's no incentive to do the hard thing, the financially smart thing, the morally correct thing.  The Right thing.

Ok, off the soapbox.

In funny stuff, yesterday my husband was mowing the yard and brushed past the joint where the city water connects into the house. And Snapped the pipe off clean. Yes, my husband broke our water yesterday. With his mom and grandparents arriving on Wednesday. He thought he fixed it, but when he turned the water back on the pipe into the house hadn't just snapped, it had cracked. Too far into the wall to be fixable from the outside. So the plumber came in this morning and put in a whole new joint (is that the right word??). Yay! I told him, several hours later when he had regained part of his sense of humor, that I was really glad that it was him and not me! He would have never, ever let me forget it. He laughed, and agreed.

Along that same vein, I noticed on saturday at 3:30pm (the vet closed at 3) that Howler had an open sore on his belly between his back legs. So this morning I had to take him to the vet. $300 later, he has a puncture wound, but they didn't do an x-ray (which is ok, those are expensive!) so they aren't 100% positive it didn't puncture the abdominal wall. They put a drain in and we'll let it heal as an open wound, and we'll hope for the best. He's on heavy antibiotics, an e-collar to keep him from messing with the drain line, and house-bound for several weeks. In the summer. With the in-laws coming. Yay!

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Can you keep a secret?

Here we go again.

I'm a little over 7 weeks now. Already my feet swell up mightily some days, I have had a couple of days where you actually couldn't tell where my leg ended and where my foot began. And out of breath, oh my gosh. I walk more than 20 yards and I have to stop and catch my breath. And those inches I'd lost, they're slowly creeping back on. But in a good way.

I'm out of most of my pants, and I needed to go buy more, but I looked online and you can buy lots of maternity clothes cheap, so I'm buying maternity pants 2nd (or 3rd or 4th, whatever) hand rather than on new non-maternity ones that I will still outgrow in a few months.

I am hesitant to put this on here. I feel like I'm tempting Fate, and those were some bitchy gods.

Besides, MSJ and I mutually decided to not tell anyone until the end of the first trimester. That's 2 more weeks, and I won't make it that long. As it is I have so much going on inside my head that I had to get some of it out.

So IRL FRIENDS:: DO NOT LET ON THAT YOU KNOW THIS INFORMATION!! No random excited squeals, no excessively long hugs, no knowing winks or questions or advise or anything.
I told MSJ last night that I wasn't sure if buying maternity clothes was a good idea, because if we lose another one it will have been a waste of money. He said he thought that it wouldn't be an issue, that we would be fine. So I'm placing my trust in his Faith, because mine is pretty weak at the moment.

I'm trying not to worry,

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life...Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:25a, 27, 34

or be terrified every day

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." - Joshua 1:9

but some days it's hard. Every ache, every little cramp, every strange feeling, every time I need to go poop, and my first thought is OH NO!

Once we get past the 9 week period I think I'll get better, I lost our first one at about 9 weeks.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Are you kidding me?

Some Questions:

1) If it's the middle of the night, and you come to a red light, do you stop and wait for it to turn green?

2) Is it ok to engage in physical assault a person if they do physical damage to your possessions?

3) Is it ok to break a law you don't agree with? Specifically regarding underage drinking?

I don't really like my lab manager. He's an ass. A huge ass.

I haven't liked him for awhile. I finally realized WHY when he let a door close on me after he walked through it. He knew I was there, too. RUDE! No Manners!!

Answers from above, re my rude manager:

1) Of Course not! Laws are mean to be a guide, and that if it's a dumb law you don't have to follow it.

2)  Regarding a story he told, a friend's car was side-swiped by someone, he chased them around Large City, cornered the car, went to the other car and punched the guy a couple of times.  !? WHAT???

3) He didn't see a problem with this one. Again, You don't have to follow a law if it's stupid. I said something about being responsible for other people's children getting drunk, and that if I knew another parent was allowing my child to get drunk, and it was a habitual thing, I might get the police involved. It would depend on the situation, but it is NOT ok to let kids drink, even 16yo's, mostly because it was ILLEGAL. Period. Beginning and End.

All in all, I don't like this man.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012


I was a little overweight when I got married. On our honeymoon cruise I gained about 7lbs. I know I know, I ate for crap and a lot of it.

The pounds came on, a little at a time. Then I got pregnant and gained 5lbs before the miscarriage. I am the heaviest I've ever been.

In the last 3 years I've tried Weight Watchers, twice, low fat, low cal, low fat and cal, slimfast, another online diet tracker thing that I can't remember the name of, and even one of those diet pill prescriptions. Nothing has worked.

Oh, I might lose 1 or 2 lbs, but nothing that encourages me to stick with it.

So MSJ and I decided to reduce carbs after christmas. Not No-Carb, just smarter food choices. To be a lifestyle eating change, not a temporary diet.

Still, nothing.

So my trainer suggested I try the strict first 2 week No Carb diet, sort of South Beach/Atkins thing. I try to keep the total carbs under 20. It's only for 2 weeks, to kick start my system. I was really disappointed to see no change. But then I got on the scale this morning. Holy Cow! Since weighing myself on Sunday I've lost 2 1/2 lbs! Great news! I can't maintain this level of strict dieting, I'm already getting a little cranky when I get hungry, and I miss fruit and vegetables, and I'm getting tired of just meat, but I can totally do a low-carb diet.

Finally, something is working.

Now, I'll probably get pregnant right quick and it won't matter anyway.  I guess that would be ok with me. :)

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Sad news

MSJ's Mother's fiance died Sunday night. He went downhill fast, he was hallucinating and had become physically aggressive. MSJ's mom called the police and ambulance, and his condition deteriorated quickly. It's heart breaking, the funeral is saturday, which would have been the day they were getting married.

We already had the plane tickets, so now we have something like $800 in credits for Southwest.

MSJ is going to see if they have a home for his dog, and if they don't, would it be ok with me if we took it. It's a bulldog. I said it was ok with me, but how did he intend on getting it, since they live in Kansas City? He's talking about driving up there after Easter and bringing the dog back with him. We'll see, we might get another dog yet.

I don't understand

Ok, I confess. I don't get it.

I started this job in October 31st.

I was originally going to be trained by a collaborative group at the Large city University. They have a decent animal facility, but not the space or personnel to do what they wanted to do. Everyone was very excited to have me join the 2 labs.

I was helping K for a couple of weeks, but one friday at group meeting she informed me that she was too busy to train me. I was a bit taken aback, since I thought that was the plan, but I honored her wishes. I went to my supervisor at the university, explained the situation, and asked if I should do anything else. He said no. I offered my help to another person at the university, still in the groups, peripherally involved in my project area, but close enough that if he wanted help I could have helped. He said he didn't need any help right now, but he'd let me know. That was in December.

So I came back to the Hospital. My supervisor here talked to my supervisor there, and it was agreed that I helped with the project here in the hospital. I was excited! They're doing some cool experiments. I got to help once or twice with the animals, and then I was sort of gradually phased out.

It was then decided that I be moved to ANOTHER PI. But he doesn't have any protocols in place to work with animals. So I wrote and submitted an animal protocol. I submitted it at the beginning of March, it should be approved at the end of march.

I've offered my help to several people, doing different things. Everyone says thanks, but they don't need help right now, but they'd let me know if they did.

I don't get it. I don't think I'm being a know-it-all, or arrogant, or pushy or bitchy. I'm not offensive, I don't have a body odor issue, I chew gum so I don't have bad breath. I'm trying not to be offended, but I don't know how else to take this. My Co-worker, who subtly phased me out of helping with her animal experiments, is going to be gone for a few days to a conference. She's leaving 2 other people to do an experiment that could probably use an additional set of hands. So I went to Alex and told him that if he and Jenny needed help, to let me know and I would be glad to help. He told me of course, they would come get me when they went into the animal facility. But I could tell by the expression on his face that he had no intention of including me on this.

I DON'T GET IT!! I have lots of experience. I can help. I can even help by just helping with moving cages. I want to help. I'm bored to death of Facebook, email, and blogs. I've resorted to reading FARK obsessively, so that I can pass the weekly friday news quiz. I even do the jumble each day in the online version of our local paper. It's seriously making me doubt my abilities in the lab. Maybe Dr. C was right, that I wouldn't be able to compete in a lab that is as active and results-oriented as this one is.

I don't understand.

Monday, March 5, 2012

MSJ's family, blessings, and letting go

I wrote a few posts back that MSJ's sister is pregnant.

Found out on last Monday night MSJ's brother's wife (MSJ's SIL, and I guess, by extension, my SIL, too) is also pregnant.

Found out last week, I think Wednesday, that MSJ's mother's fiance (Fred) has stage 4 adenocarcinoma and has multiple lesions in his lungs.

Also, his mother is getting married on March 17th.

That's a lot of emotion to handle within 1 week, and none of it happened to me!!

MSJ and I blessed the bedroom yesterday with a mezuzah. I asked him if it was ok to put a Jewish blessing on our Christian house, and he replied that the Jewish culture is our cultural heritage. Christians came from the Jewish religion, and that we are Children of Israel,

"This mystery is that through the gospel the Gentiles are heirs together with Israel, members together of one body, and sharers together in the promise in Christ Jesus. -Ephesians 3:6

And since we're the same, he didn't feel that God would be upset that we took an old-testament command and used in today. And apparently, the woman who owned the house before us was Jewish, because there is a mezuzah on the outside of the front door frame. So, probably there was on on that door frame at one time already. I have to say, that the little gesture, made me

So, with the blessing of the bedroom, maybe I'm free to let the pain of the miscarriage go. I'll always wonder about her/him. Who s/he would be, what s/he would look like. It's funny, I never doubted the child going to heaven. I always knew. I didn't like that I lost him/her early, but I didn't doubt his/her place in God's Kingdom.

My heart feels lighter. My mind is a little calmer. It's a little easier to smile. My dreams last night weren't as hard, I wasn't struggling all night. And, God willing, we'll have another little miracle to look forward in the not to distant future.

As God wills.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Yet Another Catastrophe Averted

So, 2 weeks ago I had a mammogram. Oh boy, if you've never had that done you don't know what you're missing. And I have Dense breast tissue, so they take more than the normal number of pictures.

I was notified last week that they saw something, and that I needed to come back and have more scans and an ultrasound of my left boob. Now, since mom had breast cancer twice, and g-ma once, it did sort of make my stomach drop for a day or so. But I made the appointment and tried to put it out of my mind. After all, I'm still really young for the type of breast cancers that mom and gma had.

Yesterday I went in, the lady took like, 6 or 7 films. She'd arrange, squash, click the 'take picture' button, repeat as needed. She told me to go wait in the waiting room, they would look at the pictures and see if I needed the ultrasound. Waiting rooms suck, especially when you're waiting for results that were important enough to be read Right Now.

She stuck her head out and told me that everything was ok, the films looked fine, I could get dressed and go. I'm sure I was eloquent and said something like, 'Really? That's it? No Ultrasound!?'. She smiled and sent me on my way. *whew* another landmine averted.

But I know that there will be a time when I step right on that landmine. And it will blow my world apart. I read the Fight-Breast-Cancer page and I read the stories and all I think is how much I don't want to EVER have the need to post there.

On that same topic, I went to see my ob/gyn. She did some computer risk programs to determine my risk for developing breast cancer. [I refuse to take the BRCA genetic test. I know it sounds paranoid, but I don't trust the insurance company to not use it against me at some point in the future. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they aren't watching] Even without the genetic testing, I'm at 25% chance for breast cancer. I'm not quite sure how that number works, like if I live 4 lives, then i'll only get breast cancer in 1 of them/ Or is it that in a random group of 4 people I'll be the one to get breast cancer? Or is it closer, like in a group of 4 women from my mother's family line, then I'll be the one to get it? Also, this doesn't consider the chances of getting any other kind of cancer, this one was just breast.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Another one Bites the Dust!

Holy crap, I didn't know it had been that long!

So, last week, on Valentines Day, I was rear-ended on the freeway on my way to work (I had 3 meetings that day!!) and totaled my car. The other guy is at fault, admitted to the police it was his fault. His insurance is give me a hard time, dragging their feet on paying me out.

Turns out, my husband is not a patient car shopper. We went looking on Saturday, and came home with a new car. I had no intention of buying a car. I was looking at 3 or 4 kinds, and I wanted to test drive and see how I felt about it. We started at Carmax. Tried some cars, but they were either too new (expensive), too old, or too many miles. Or just too dirty, one was so stained! And one of the cars had definitely been a smokers car.

So went to a dealership, I saw the Honda Element, which hadn't been on my list of cars to look at but I did like, and my husband got slightly railroaded into buying the car. It was a good deal, it was a 2005 with the sticker price at 14,000, we got it for 11,225, and I got us a 3% interest rate.

Plus the settlement we'll get off of the Subaru, we should get it paid off in 18 months. If I really don't like it, we can trade it in then.

And I wasn't hurt in the accident, so that was a blessing. He took out my back end and right rear quarter panel, but he bent the frame so I don't think they can salvage it.

Technically, this is the 5th car I've totaled, but I've really only totaled 4, one of them was repaired rather than totaled out. I'm death on cars. I hope this new one is as sturdy ad my 2 Subaru's. They just didn't have an affordable one in the area.

I sure hope I like this car.

Every time I get a new car, I always say that the next car will be really cool, with all of the electronic features, and a sun roof, I've always wanted a sunroof. I've said that 4 times now. Still don't have that. Oh well, Next Time I'm Totally Getting A Really Cool Car!!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012


I figured out why I was in such a bad mood. It was partly the exercise thing.  But I've come to the realization that I'm not ready to start trying to get pregnant yet.

Part of that realization came when I had to go to my yearly ob/gyn fun.

It made me very sad, I'm not sure if I can continue to use this doctor. She's very nice, and a good doctor, but I may have to change. 

This evening MSJ's sister called to tell us she is pregnant. 

I'm not sure what to think. I'm genuinely happy for her, I think they've been trying for awhile.

I'm not sure what to do with this information.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Physically Strong, Mentally Tough

So, I joined a CrossFit gym, and my motto for my gym is Physically Strong, Mentally Tough.
I'm not really either of those things, so some days that makes for a hard day.

Last night was one of those days.

We started with a front squat. I suck at those. My technique was bad for the first 4 or 5 sets. By then my wrists were KILLING me. Finally got the hand/arm position right, and I had a hell of a time getting my butt to the ball. I try not to bitch, even to myself, about exercises I don't like, you know positive attitude and crap like that, but I flat out DISLIKE front squats. We get to do more today. yay.

Some days we run. Outside at night. In the winter. Where it's cold (HUSH UP! It does, too, get cold down here!). The first time I did this I was a little winded afterward. The second time I was starting to breathe really hard, almost a wheeze but not quite. The third I started to wheeze at the end, and then when we did the second half of our work out I started to outright wheeze. I had to sit down for a few minutes, and then I finished the program.

Last night we were supposed to do 2 laps, 8 times, with 90 seconds between the 2 lap set. I did the first lap ok, but by the time I was done with the second lap I had a hard deep wheeze. It was sort of starting to hurt. So I sat out the 2nd set, then the 3rd set I ran the first lap and walked the second. But by then Christian had quit timing me, which meant I could do what I wanted, but it wouldn't be counted. So, I did 4 more sets, run first lap walk second lap. Give it a minute or so, then again.

About halfway through the second crappy set, with the guys outstripping me by huge lengths, and the other lady doing well herself, I really wanted to cry. I felt weak and pathetic and really quite like an idiot. But I pulled together, and convinced myself I could cry later in my car. Because the only thing that would make me look even more pathetically weak would have been to cry about it.

And then I had to stop and get gas on the way home. So I couldn't cry until I was done getting gas. And by the time I got home I had moved past the point of needing to cry. Except then I was in an exceptionally shitty mood for the rest of the night. And even today, too. I should probably have given in and cried, I would have been rid of the emotion and moved on. But I was trying the whole mentally tough thing. It worked, but I'm not sure the 2 days of being in a shitty mood was worth it.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

I got sucked in O.o

Last night I got stuck in traffic. Like, stopped for several minutes, drive 20 feet, stop for several minutes, drive 50 yards, stop for several minutes, well, I could go on and on and on and..

Where was I? oh, stuck in traffic. Now normally I leave my office, and I'm at the gym within an hour and 15ish minutes. That includes waiting for the bus to take me to my car. Last night it took me better than an hour and 45 minutes, just to get to the gym. Home took another almost 20 minutes. So, I didn't make it to the gym in time for my class. Which put me in a crappy mood. Since MSJ wasn't home when I got there, I decided to play Fable. It came with the Xbox I bought MSJ for Christmas, and he wasn't playing it, so I didn't want it to go to waste.

He came home around 9:30, he has a late class at his karate studio on tuesdays. He kissed me hello, went to take a shower. At 10:30 he told me he was going to go to bed soon.

Holy crap, ya'll, I played that game for 3 hours, and didn't even notice!  I can see that I will have to be careful with this new toy. It has the potential to be a serious time suck. I totally didn't anticipate that.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Cooking Attempt # 1? sure, let's say #1

I thought I had written about it, but I couldn't find the link. Oh well.

I used to think that I was a decent cook. I'm not, really. Darn. I guess that's one of those things that takes practice. I thought I might have absorbed that during my childhood of helping mom and grandma cook.

I'm trying the low-carb diet right now. In addition to a strenuous gym that I've joined.

So I found some good low-carb recipes, just to get started. I found a recipe for Unstuffed Cabbage. Now, I like cabbage rolls. Not that I LOVE them, or really even like-like them, but I do enjoy them once in awhile. So I tried this recipe. I don't know if it was the type of pan I used, or maybe the cabbage was cut up too small, and I added too much onion to the meat balls, and there wasn't enough sauce. Now, that last one may have been because I didn't use the best pan. Also, it was pretty bland, the recipe made it sound like it was a taste sensation.

I have a good husband, who ate his plate with a little help from ketchup and A1. That totally didn't offend me, as it really wasn't as good as I hoped it would be. And when I said something about maybe trying it again, different pan, much much more salt and spices, he told me to go ahead, that he would be willing to try it again. Isn't he sweet?

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Things that make you go hmmmm

I have a conundrum.

I would like to post a p o s t...Can you post a post? Maybe I would like to make a post? write a post? yes, that's it.

I would like to write a post, but it involves someone I know who reads this blog (No, not you!). There is a good potential for hurt feelings, and stupid Google Blogger won't let me password protect a single post...stupid Blogger.

And, the reason I would like to post it is to get a little feedback, maybe get some help with an awkward and sensitive subject. I have 1 opinion, to just write the post and not post it...darn it there I went again...just write it and not post it? Ok, I'll go with that.

Now, you might be thinking, as my Dear MSJ was, why do I let so many of my IRL friends read this blog?? Well, it's because it doesn't dawn on you maybe a couple of years down the road you might need to write something potentially hurtful. I guess, now, I do know that, and I haven't added any new readers IRL in several years.

I might consider letting you read it privately via email if you ask, but not for general viewing, so if I don't let you please don't take it personally. It's me, not you. I'm trying to do the right thing here.