This week was a first for me. I know, I'm at an age where I thought there aren't too many more firsts, but here's one.
Since I was diagnosed, I have taken my medicine faithfully. FAITHFULLY. I am medicated, and happy to be that way. I remember what it was like immediately before I was diagnosed, I was super irritable, couldn't concentrate or sit still, or I was down down down depressed. I could sit on my couch for hours, days and not move except to go to the bathroom. And even then, I waited until I couldn't wait anymore.
So when i noticed that I was having manic spikes, I went to the doc and she increased the dose on one of my meds. I've been on the increased dose for about 10 days. I don't especially like it, I'm running a little higher than normal, but there haven't been anymore true spikes. So, I decided that I was ok, I didn't need the additional dose. And then I stopped taking the additional dose. I've never had the thought series that said, 'You don't need that medicine! You're fine without it!'. This line of thought is classic Bi-polar. The progression is: Depressed, get meds, level out, decide you're fine, stop taking meds, spike high, do something stupid/bad/dangerous/illegal, get caught, bottom out into depression.
Yesterday I forgot to take my morning pill, and for some reason I don't have my little pill bottle I carry with me that has some extra doses (for just such an occasion). So not only had I stopped taking the additional dose, I didn't get my standard morning dose.
I cried to Little Drummer Boy on the radio, and I was pretty high most of the day. I'm not sure I'd call it a manic spike, but by the time I got home I could definitely tell. So I sucked it up and on my way home I stopped at CVS and filled the stupid prescription filled (I had been taking free samples the doc and given me). It cost me $60 for a 30 day supply. That's about $2/pill. I thought $35 was high with Blue cross. This insurance SUCKS.