Monday, November 28, 2011

A good thing, indeed

I know you guys must be a little tired of reading about this, and I'm a little tired of writing about it. For my sake, and my few devoted readers, I'll try to give this incident a rest after this post.

So, went to see the psychiatrist on Wednesday. I didn't cry, but it was hard to tell the story again. Then I mentioned that I had had at least 1 hypo-manic (higher than normal for me, but not screaming-high-MANIC), probably 3. It took until the 3rd one before I realized what was happening. I realized it when I was was sitting in church last sunday and I had to stifle the urge to laugh during the service.

This concerned my doc, and I was prescribed an additional 50mg dose each day. I can tell it has helped, my mind is my own again, I'm not struggling with concentration, apathy, anxiety, annoyance, avoidance, pick another a-word. [As a lead in, I can always find something to be concerned about] On the other hand, I'm a little concerned that I've cut off my grieving period a little too soon. I'm in a good mood, but it feels artificial. Like I wasn't done grieving, but the medication adjustment changed my mind chemically, without me actually getting over this event. After the appointment I was also given a card and told to call, any time of the day or night, if I needed anything or had suicidal thoughts. In this whole time I haven't had a suicidal/homicidal/damage inflicting thought, but they are concerned. I wonder if I should be, too?


ste said...

Once I was told that grief is like an ice cube. It slowly melts so that our bodies don't have to deal with it all at once because if we did, we wouldn't survive. I wouldn't worry that you are feeling ok right now. And I'm not tired of reading of this. I hope you continue to heal and am so glad that you have the support system that you need.

rockle said...

i think the info re: dangerous thoughts is standard, just in case. it sounds like you have a pretty good support system in place already, but not everybody does. i wouldn't worry about not feeling like you've grieved long enough - maybe it's just long enough for now. you're entitled to feel ok once in a while.