So (I love LOVE starting blogs with So)
So, Sunday was the 1 year anniversary of my mom's passing away. MSJ and I went up to see dad. What I thought was happening was that we would go up, meet my Bro and SIL and niece and dad and all go have lunch together and then go to the cemetery. What actually happened was that MSJ and I rushed home from church, changed, let the puppy out for a few minutes, hurried up to dad's, then we and dad went out for a late lunch, where dad didn't eat b/c he ate earlier. THEN we met up with Bro and SIL at the cemetery. yeah, nothing like standing around outside in 100+ heat making small talk. No tension there at all.
I guess I should back up a little.
After mom passed away my Bro and SIL went off the deep end. (while it seemed to come on) Suddenly (but in fact it had been brewing for several years) my Bro and SIL took the stance that, well, here's an excerpt from the last email my Bro sent me:
Let us not be naive in believing that we had perfect parents. I never thought it was funny when you and mom joked about grandma chasing mom/dad all the way to texas. I believed it to be a sad statement about the family...dad never thought it was funny either. Only after my divorce did I start to notice that there was a pattern of complaints about myself in my personal relationships....WE ARE WHAT WE SEE AND ARE TAUGHT. I cannot count the number of times I heard dad say to you or to mom "head up her ass" and it was always regarding you. Wether[sic] it be nature or nurture you and mom have much of what grandma had....grandma did gossip. I'm sure she had other negative things, but I cannot remember them all. Do you not remember grandpa telling grandma "enough Ginny" when she would start it up?...i do. Mom was a little manipulative....a skill I enjoyed using when I was young and to which benefited society when I was a young police officer...you have been manipulative also. If you do not realize it, then we do need to meet so you can learn about yourself. Manipulation is a fine skill if used in the correct situations. Tell me do you see any negative things about me that I learned from dad?....I do. The only way to better ourselves is to listen to the critisizims[sic] of each other WITHOUT getting emotional. I've had much time in the last 17 years to think about things personal/professional/familial(is this a word...is should be) since the night shift allows oneself some time to do nothing but think and contemplate......hence the suggested meeting.
And, apparently, this is nothing compared to what my SIL feels.
It's been a tough year for my brother's family and me. I've had about 10 hours of actual contact with my niece since mom's funeral. That's it. The (perceived or actual) injustices and wrongs go back to before my Niece was born, to even before she was conceived. After several email exchanges of increasing acrimony, I finally sent an email back to Bro that I didn't want to fight anymore. I certainly didn't agree with most of what he said, but I was tired of fighting, let's just start over, let bygones be bygones and start again.
Then in July I got an invitation to my Niece's birthday party. I was surprised, and thrilled. Yay, I thought, A fresh Start! SIL even hugged me and told me she was glad I had been able to come. But alas, on Sunday my SIL didn't speak a word to me, didn't look at me, didn't look at MSJ, and when we were leaving Bro came over and hugged me, and I hugged Niece, and I said that it had been nice seeing Monika again, I got NO response from her. NONE.
Well, at least we don't have to worry about who to make Godparents for any children we might have.