Tuesday, November 2, 2010


Hey mom,

I've been so busy! I'm trying to fit exercising in, but it's hard. I wish my pilates instructor was still on Maternity leave, it made her much more accessible to me! She has a beautiful 6-week old girl but a different name. No one will ever spell it right, but it's pretty.

I went home last saturday and got some pictures, they want to do a photo collage of pictures of Matt and I. I didn't have time, so I ran home right quick, got the pictures and came back. It was so hard on dad. I finally made him go downstairs. Some days it seems like he's holding on pretty well, but some days he can't seem to get 2 or 3 sentences without crying. I worry about him. I'm not sure what I can do to help. I don't think there really is. It's just something to get through. It's brutal, but life often is.

Matt's mom wants me to put a red rose in the pew for you, in remembrance. It's a nice idea, but there's no way dad could handle that, I'm not sure how well he'll hold together as it is, if he has to sit next to a rose I think he might just pull a blackout. Besides, it feels a little cheesy and sentimental, and you usually weren't cheesy. She also suggested that we put a wreath in the foyer, one for you and one for the grandmothers. I very nicely and politely told her no. Again, cheesy. And no one would know, I'd have to explain it, it just seemed like something I wouldn't want to do. So, I very nicely told her no. She took it ok. We seem to be starting out ok.

There are only 3 planning and working days left, wed thur and fri. It still doesn't seem real. I don't think it will until I'm standing in the back of the church waiting to go in. It feels like I'm doing this for someone else, it still seems unreal that it's me.

My bridesmaids won't really be available on friday, so right now I don't have anyone to go get a mani/pedi with. I'm torn between disappointed to not have someone to share with and excited to have the time alone. I guess time will tell, and I'm sure it will be fine either way.

That's my mantra: It will be fine. Did we get enough pictures? It will be fine, what we have will be enough. Set up the tables! It will be fine, we'll get it done. Did we run out of ribbon??? It will be fine, I can go get more if I need to. Damn, I want a wedding planner!

I heard through Facebook that one of my oldest friends is sick. I thought, "OH NO! Who's going to kick my butt out of the room?"

Right now we're anticipating 220 people. That's about 20 more than we had originally anticipated. We'll have cake, but i'm not sure if we'll have enough for everyone to have a piece of each. Matt made an announcement that if people wanted to make sure they got a piece of cake they needed to call and RSVP, please!

That's what I'll be doing on Thursday, buying stuff, cups for tea AND coffee, flatware, plates, napkins, I need to buy bubbles yet and wedding confetti.

OH!, and the weather has decided to cooperate, it will be a clear cool day in the 60's. Perfect Chamber of Commerce weather. I figure that's you and the grandma's up there. Keep it up! Try to keep the tropical storm from tearing up the Bahamas before we get there, please.

I miss you. I'm holding up pretty well. Once or twice it's gotten to me, but mostly I'm good. I try not to focus on what we've lost, I try to remember all of the family and friends that we still have. So many friends are coming south for the wedding, it will make me cry undoubtedly. I had to have a lesson in how to cry so that I don't smear my mascara across my face like a raccoon mask. Apparently it was good that no one was taking pictures during the funeral, my makeup had smeared rreeaallyy bad.

Ok, I've got to go. I need to pack, still. I'm trying to pack what I'll need for the wedding, what I'll need for the wedding night, and what I'll need for the cruise.

4 days!


1 comment:

rockle said...

(( hugs ))

everything will be awesome. i am totally rooting for you, and i am talking to my people up there to get with your people up there to make the necessary arrangements.

be happy. you will be beautiful. go ahead and cry. you're allowed. and then be happy some more.