Thursday, July 1, 2010

Worth it in the end

On Tuesday I was eating lunch with 2 of my bestest friends.

An off-hand comment was made, and I reacted pretty strongly to it. K asked me, 'So, have you and BF kissed yet?' It majorly irritated me. Like, really. so I responded pretty quickly and passionately, 'You do not get an accounting of our sex life!'

I had to stop and think about why I reacted so strongly, and where the irritation came from.

The comment itself was not offensive. And it wasn't intended to be. I know that. Logically, I know that. Emotionally, though, it struck a chord in me.

I have figured out why. If this was any other man, at this point, while I would be talking about a bf, no one would have met him yet, and I wouldn't be giving very much detail about the relationship yet.

But, as K said, 'This is BF!'

Which makes it a little worse. Him being a Pastor is an added layer of complexity to an already involved process. Dating is hard. Trying to bring 2 lives together is a complex thing. Trying to bring 2 lives together when one of them lives a very public life is even more so.

As we make this relationship more public, especially to his congregation, it will be increasingly hard to keep the intimate parts(and I don't mean sex here) of the relationship private.

And for someone who is as private as I am, this is going to be hard. Worth it in the end, but hard none-the-less.


mamabird said...

Your are so fortunate to realize this early on in the relationship. The private/public balance is so difficult when dating/being married to someone who works in a church. Congregants will often think things are their business when in fact they are not in the least. My challenge is always finding a gracious way to communicate this. If you figure that one out, let me know! So glad your relationship is going well.

rockle said...

i recommend practicing your giggle. most invasive questions can be shrugged off with a nervous giggle.

or you could just tell them "none of your B.I. business," but you're dating a pastor, so you should probably be nice. ;-)

Nikki said...

You should try searching for a blog from a person in a similar situation as you. Try "married to a pastor". I know you're not married yet, but it might give you an idea of how others deal with things?