Monday, July 26, 2010

Another Blog/Dating question

I had a discussion/argument/situation that came up today, and I need the advice of my bloggy friends.

As I may have blogged before, I am rather private, and especially with my personal life.

Last week Thursday my BF and I came out to Facebook.

The next day my friend was trying to be cute and asked me if we had 'consumated' anything yet. Once again, I had a rather strong reaction. This time I did manage to better control my external reaction. I said, with not really any smile or anything, that I knew she thought she was being funny, but I really didn't think it was funny. She got rather defensive, so I backed off.

Yesterday afternoon I tried again. I asked her to please not make comments like that because (I finally figured it out) it really embarrasses me. REALLY Embarrasses Me. Once again, she got really defensive, telling me she 'wished I didn't over-react to things like that. It was only once!' I was trying to say that, yes, I understood that it was once, but it made me really uncomfortable and I just wanted my feelings known. As a final shot, she told me that she didn't think I would be so sensitive, the way I write my blog.

Step Back.

Dear Bloggy Friends: Do I have the right to expect that what I write on my blog (viewed by only a few IRL friends) be kept, well, I guess personal? On the one hand, once it's written and posted on my blog it is now public domain, and therefore inherently no longer personal. On the other hand, the fact that this blog is largely anonymous, and therefore something that I try to keep personal, or at least, NOT open to my direct community, then should my IRL friends respect the fact that sometimes I don't want to discuss it?

Maybe I am being overly sensitive about all of this. I'm not shy about discussing sex and relationships and such, but, except for very long ago, I'm not explicit about what and how and when. So that when a situation like this arises, I'm not comfortable about discussing the details of the physical relationship, I'm not really even comfortable discussing this AT ALL, except through this filter of a blog to a mostly anonymous audience.
Everyone pretty much assumes that, as a Pastor, BF isn't running around sleeping with women, and that means that pretty much everyone will assume that BF and I aren't having sex, so that finally means that everyone will be wink-wink-knudge-knudge about our wedding night. You can't believe how that thought makes my stomach knot up.


mamabird said...

(I tried to post a comment a few minutes ago, but things went berserk. Sorry if this ends up a duplicate.)

I think you might have accidentally published BF's name in the third last line.

A hard situation, indeed. In my opinion, you can hope that people you know will respect the fact that you want this to stay private, but there is a strong possibility it may not happen.

Anonymous said...

My blog is "somewhat" private and I pick and choose bloggers I let into Facebook...but my blog has turned away from my personal side the way it used to be...but I use the same email for both, so once I exchange emails with people...

It is a tough situation...glad I am married.

rockle said...

some people have no respect for boundaries sometimes. "i don't want to talk about it right now" is a totally acceptable answer, RL or blog or whatever. (hi, i just spent a week on vacation with my family where there were NO boundaries, so this is not a hot topic in my household or anything ...)

or, you know, you can try to go with the shy little giggle. doesn't always work for me because i am a habitual oversharer, but doesn't mean i don't use it when it's necessary.