Sunday, May 30, 2010

YAY! Forgot to post, it's been quite a few days.

Mom's test came back good, the cancer hasn't grown or metastasized. She just needed a new drug.

Then we went to a cognitive exam. It was tough, and good. Mom didn't know what year it was, or how long she'd been married, but she got most of the rest of it. I'm going to call the dr on about wednesday and find the results of the test. I'm hoping for something like Ritalin. For sure an anti-depressant, she hit on all of the symptoms he mentioned. I'm hoping that we'll start to get mom back.

My brother, as usual, took the WORST POSSIBLE view, that great, there was one less drug that worked and we were just that much closer to a time when the drugs stopped working.

Dad and I decided that we'd ignore him.

So, thank you for the thoughts and prayers! They must have worked.


Tuesday, May 18, 2010

are we sure today wasn't a monday?

Today we went to Large Cancer Hospital to have the appointment.

My brother called me Monday afternoon, did I think he needed to go in with us.

Now, several things here. 1) I REALLY REALLY didn't want it to be cancer, so I told him, truthfully, that I was expecting an uneventful appointment, and 2) My brother and mom and dad don't get along so well. He often brings conflict with him into situations with all of us. The end being, brother didn't go with us, but SIL and niece came instead.

2 of the 3 biopsies they did were positive. Like, really positive. I could see how hard it hit dad. It really took his feet out from under him. I tried to hug him, tell him that he wasn't walking alone, that we'd be there too, but he was too deep, I don't know if he couldn't hear me, or if he heard me but was shutting me out. He stepped away from me, physically. I don't know what to do to help him. I'm not sure there is anything I CAN do to help him.

So next wednesday they will start early, 8-ish with a chest x-ray and blood work, then move to a CT scan and a PET scan. I think there was another test in there somewhere. Dad proceeds to tell us that he doesn't know why we would want to come, all that's going to happen was he would take her from test to test. I told him I didn't care, that I or SIL or brother, or 2 or all 3 of us would be there. Because the time for him doing it all on his own is done. The time for any of us to do it on our own is done.

Dad didn't tell me, and I guess I saw it I just didn't think about the implications. Mom's voice has been getting weaker. She just doesn't have much volume right now. Dr took several long seconds palpating her neck. He's worried that the original tumor in her neck is growing again, pressing on nerves.

Mom also has a spot, a mole on her shoulder, that looks BAD. Like skin cancer bad. The didn't refer her to Dermatology, they referred her to the Fine Needle Aspiration Clinic. He bypassed the dermatologist altogether.

All in all, the Dr. didn't have good news this visit. And he wasn't happy about that. None of us was happy about that.

We can't stop what's coming. All we can do is prepare the best we can. It's a bit like looking at a hurricane bearing down on us. It's not coming fast like a tornado. It's coming slowly, and getting bigger the whole time. And even if we don't catch the eye, we're still going to have a lot of damage.

Dear God, Give us shelter from this storm. Amen.

Friday, May 14, 2010

WOOHOO!!! Trivia Friday!!

This one is HARD!

(hehe forgot to link back to rockle. Sorry Rockle!)

Can anyone help me? I'm at a loss for #6

1.Three names for groups of four-legged farm animals
herd, flock, team of oxen?
2.Three names for groups of wild cats
pride, den, pack?
3.Three names for groups of insects
hive, nest, squadron?
4.Three names for groups of forest or woodland mammals
5.Three names for groups of primates
clan, family,
6.Three names for groups of animals you might see on a safari (not wild cats)
(I'll give it a try!) Crash??
7.Three names for groups of reptiles or amphibians
clutch, brood,
8.Three names for groups of sea animals (not waterfowl)
pod, school,
9.Three names for groups of waterfowl or seabirds
nest, gaggle,
10.Three names for groups of other birds
flight, coop

Standard trivia rules apply: to wit, no Google and no cheating. This went up late, so I'll post my answers on Tuesday 5/18 after 5pm. Good luck!

Monday, May 10, 2010

3 steps forward 2 steps back

On Saturday when I got home for Mother's Day weekend with the family, Dad showed me a letter from Large Cancer Hospital.

The Radiologist found a spot in a lymph node under her left arm that needs to be looked at. They are doing a Fine Needle Biopsy today at 12:30.

Now, this could be one of several things, a couple of which are nothing to get excited about. However, it could also be cancer, and it could be the same cancer or a different one. I asked mom if she was scared and she said what I had been thinking.

It didn't do any good to be scared yet. What is coming is coming, and there isn't anything we can do to stop it or change it. So now isn't the time to panic or fall apart. There is plenty of time for that after we get a diagnosis.

We should have results pretty soon, they don't let this sort of test sit around very long. I told dad that if they have a dr. appointment this afternoon to let me know and I'd go up there and meet them. Whatever it is, it won't be good if dad is the only other person there.

Say some prayers. We need them right now.

Friday, May 7, 2010


I haven't posted in awhile, and I'm not sure why.

My co-worker/friend and I are getting better. 3 steps forward, 2 steps back. But we're still moving in the right direction, so that's good.

My plants in my front flower bed are growing nicely. The Butterfly bush is already 5 or 6 inches, and it growing like crazy. There is a rather large nursery up the road from me and they had a flat of 24 annual for $15. I need to go buy some to add some green and color to my flower beds. Right now they look pretty brown (dirt, of course) with a little green for contrast. I'd rather have it pretty green with a little brown for accent.

My Easter lilies are blooming finally. They're very pretty, even if they are a month late.

I'm getting a raise at work. Finally. I'm not sure how much of a raise, but I'm hoping it will be substantial, like 8-10%. My co-worker and I have been doing the job of 4 people for the last 9 months.

The 3rd week of April I went fishing with dad up at his cabin. I'm ashamed at how excited he was that I was joining him. I'm going to have to make this a yearly thing. I didn't know how much it meant to him, and it hurts me that I let it go that long without going up there. The white bass were hitting pretty good, we had the lights on the dock at night and one night I caught 10 or 12 in about 20 minutes. It was really cool! You just tossed the minnow in and the bass would hit it hard! I could catch 2 fish on 1 minnow because it would hit so hard that it didn't get a chance to actually eat the minnow! I also caught a pretty big crappie, but it was night and we thought it was just a large bass. We didn't know until morning that it was a crappie.

I've lost about 6 pounds in the last 6 weeks or so. I've been watching what I eat and exercising, a yoga/pilates class. I'm super flexible now and you can see the outer line of my abs. They have a nice comfy cover of fat, but the hint of the line is there, too. I'm very excited. My legs and rear look nice, too. I'm not usually a big fan of exercise and don't push myself very hard, but I'm seeing results, and seeing them quickly, so I'm pushing myself with higher weights and longer holds. As long as I continue to see results I'll keep pushing.

The lady that teaches the class is pregnant, and she is very excited about being pregnant. It's fun to watch her because she gets so excited when the baby kicks and moves and pushes back.

Also, last week my mom had a appointment at Large Cancer Hospital. The scans were clean, no lesions. Before he left I asked him about mom. My Dad was behind his back when I asked, and my dad's eyes got huge round and he looked like he might explode, but I asked the Dr. about mom, and how she wasn't really getting better, that she wasn't interested in anything, she sometimes slept 18 hours a day, didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. The Doc looked surprised, and told us no problem, he'd refer her to a NeuroPsychiatrist. I didn't even know there was such a thing, but the doc mentioned that sometimes they will introduce a neurostimulant, like Ritalin, to help kickstart the brain. At that point my dad's eyes got big with amazement, and looked really relieved, that maybe this might push mom back into this world. We're all praying this might be the thing we need to get mom back. We all miss her terribly. She's missing my niece's growing up, missing a good retirement with my dad, missing her LIFE.

I think that's all the major stuff, so I guess I'll end this random rambling post.

Next time, my dear bloggy friends.