Monday, August 31, 2009

I don't understand

I hate dating. with every particle of my heart and soul, I hate dating. It sucks the joy, the enthusiasm, the kindness, the affection, all of the good parts of you out through your eyes and leaves a cold hard bitter angry hurtful thing in it's wake.

I'm at a loss.

I'm not bad looking. I'm not mean. I'm not greedy or manipulative. I don't smoke. I'm pretty easy going. I'll watch baseball and football and crappy westerns. I'm not much for basketball, though. I have a job. I'm smart. I'm funny. I generally have a good disposition. I'm not overly clingy. I'm not jealous. I'm not baby-crazy.

I don't understand.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

This weekend

I sit here tonight thinking about the weekend. This isn't a very exciting post. Or very deep. or insightful. or even introspective. It's just an accounting of my weekend.

Friday night some friends and I gathered at another friends house. We ate a great meal and then we were going to watch a movie. We ended up just talking for several hours. Which was just as nice, and IMHO, was even better than a movie, anyway.

Saturday I went to an LWML meeting, where I am reminded that I get 1 year off and then I promised that I would take over the roll of President for our Zone. What was I thinking??? Why did I promise such a thing??? I guess God will give me the strength and words I need to handle this task, since I opened my stupid mouth and agreed.

Saturday I prepped my bedroom to be painted. Then I figured out that I first must seal the wallpaper. Then I realized that I have to do something about the trim at the top of the wall. So, tomorrow I will take a razor and remove the parts that are coming loose, apply sheetrock mud to it, sand it a little, and paint it. I'm not sure what I'll do if it doesn't work. I guess I'll cross that bridge if I come to it. Then I sat and watched my crappy old british sit-coms on PBS. A good night.

Today I went to church and there was a pot-luck that I had completely forgotten about. I wasn't going to stay, but there really was enough food, so I stayed and had a little to eat.

Then, the clown. Karen was and always is a gracious friend. I strive to be like her in this way. We had a nice time, and I agreed to try to start clowning again in the fall. They picked up potentially 53 new clowns at the Welcome New Medical Students! event. I told her that I would try to come of the events.

My balloon animals aren't the best. It's been a long time since I tried to make any. My makeup also left a little to be desired, as I hadn't done any clown makeup in a couple of years. But even with that, the kids LOVED us. There were only 6 or 7 kids, but we made probably 30-ish balloons, some of which went to the adults, too. We were there for about 45 minutes and the kids began to go do other things, so it worked well. We were ready to leave by then, too. It was hot out there in long-sleeved clown outfits! The Hostess wanted to give us money, but I knew Karen better than that. We agreed that the Hostess should donate the money to LWML. To our Ladies Aid. Karen liked it, and so did the Hostess. Win-Win!

We went to the beach tonight. There was a coolness to the breeze. It won't be long and the air will be too cool to go out to the beach in the evening. Summer is almost over.

Thursday, August 27, 2009


I've been very lax about blogging lately.

I'm not sure why.

Sometimes I'm a bad friend, and I don't treat my friends right.

Example: My friend Karen and I did the coffee/lemonade/cookie rounds in the children's hospital for a couple of years, most wednesday evenings after work. It was fun. She is the driving force behind the Clown troop associated with my university. Mostly it is medical students, but there are some grad students and staff and a few faculty who are also involved. I'm not big on clowning, I did it because it meant so much to Karen, but after awhile I just stopped participating.

Karen retired, but still came in on wednesday nights and did the rounds with me. When Ike hit, it was a relief to give it up. It had become a burden, a chore. I didn't like that, but I didn't want to abandon Karen either. After Ike, we talked about it and she was relieved, too.

Occasionally she will come to my work and we'll go out to lunch. It's been less and less frequent, just my job and her schedule and life in general.

Not long ago I told her that I would call her for lunch, and then, and I can't even plead forgetfulness or anything, I just blew her off. Like, totally. And I know she knows, and she knows that I know that she knows, and we both know. And I feel bad. I shouldn't have done it. I should have taken the time and made room and gone to lunch with her.

Now, I have asked her to help me clown at a friend's kid's birthday party. This is a huge favor, she doesn't do birthdays or non-Clown events. And because she is a good friend, and probably a better friend than I am at the moment, she has agreed to help me.

I feel bad all the way around. She's helping me do this thing that she doesn't usually do, right after I totally blew her off for lunch. She will be using her supplies, balloons, stickers and bubbles, to help me do this. And I don't have much of a way to repay her kindness. I've told her that I will clown at any upcoming event she wants me to. My friend has offered to pay us for supplies, I think Karen will take it, if for nothing else than to buy more supplies.

So. Sometimes I'm a bad friend. And I hate that. There are times that I just can't stop myself from doing things that aren't very nice. Not that I do things that are destructive or harmful or dangerous, just things like blow off lunch plans with a good friend for no decent reason. This the same part of my personality that will tell people, 'Of Course, I'd be glad to help' or 'Yes, please call me and we'll go out!' and then I don't help, and I don't return the phone call. Or I will volunteer to be a president and then NOT want to do it when I get nominated.

I know this reflects badly on my character, and that I come off looking less than trustworthy, less than honorable, like a total flake. And I hate that. But I can't seem to stop.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Saturday it will be DONE.

So, my boss was out today, so I left work early.

I came home and sealed all of the grout in my house.

I had cleaned the floor tile in the sunroom several times, so the grout was VERY clean and it sealed easy. And I got the little more expensive sealer. I did the sealing in grids, and it sometimes overlapped a little. You could tell, because the part that had already been sealed wouldn't take any more sealant. It went so well, I went ahead and and sealed all of the grout in the bathroom.

Now, the tile in the sunroom is ceramic. But the accent tile in the bath is stone. So I went ahead and sealed not just the grout but the stones themselves. It seems dumb, but they looked better when it was done. They have a little bit of sparkle?

Anyway, it looks nice, but now I have to take a bath tonight because the sealant hasn't cured yet.

The house does look better, it's cleaned and coming back together. Also, apparently I went so long without a stove, I want to cook. I've made several meals, like real meals with veggies and everything, in the last 2 weeks.

Dad will make the final payment on saturday, and this will be DONE. All that's left is cleaning, and I'm mostly done with that. My bedroom is finally empty of all of the bath stuff that I've been storing in it, so it really is easier to sleep. It's neat and orderly and easier to sleep in.

It's coming together. And with it, my sanity. Welcome back, sweet sanity.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Every breath is a risk

This morning on my way to work I went through an intersection that is sometimes a little unsafe. People run the red light often, and you have to watch carefully. When the light turns green, I always look at the cross traffic to make sure everyone is slowing down for the red light.

This morning I looked, didn't see anyone so I went through about a second after it turned green, and was glad I did.

Just as I cleared the intersection a small Ford SUV blew through the light at close to 40mph. Fortunately, the car behind me was a little slow getting going.

This was so close to being a catastrophic event that it gave me a rush of adrenaline. I started sweating and shaking and had to pull over until it all stopped.

A second earlier and he would have T-boned me. A collision at that speed would have been a severe life-threatening injury, possibly death.

Life is a risk. Every breath we take, every time we get in the car, every heartbeat is a risk. You never know where death, disability, life changing events will come from.

Dear God, remind me always that we take this minute, day, life for granted, but remind me also that this life is still a transitory one, and that the next life is one much better than this one. Amen.

Sunday, August 9, 2009


See, I hate when my dad is right. It really galls me. Sometimes he isn't, and while I don't gloat or anything, it makes my day and I smile for several days.

But when he's right, it just irritates me.

It doesn't seem like it should be too hard to put handles on cabinet doors.

At least these are the bathroom doors and not the kitchen.

But, I want handles on 3 and pull knobs on the rest. I tried, but it didn't work. I couldn't get it to quite line up. Now there are holes in the door, and I must put a handle in those spots.

Fortunately, I have a few men who can help in these instances. If I knew of a woman who was good at that sort of thing then I would have used a woman, but the pastor of my church is a handyman, and he has agreed to come help me and help me fix what I did wrong.

Thank you God. Amen.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

hehehe ooops!

fyi, this is also posted on my facebook, so if you've read that, then you've read this, too.

So, turns out my stove is fine. I'm impatient, slightly bitchy, and a little high-strung at the moment. But the stove is fine.

I found this out because, being the scientist that I am, I decided that I should do a better test of the stove before I started calling in a repair guy.

Turns out that the green OVEN light is only on when gas is being fed into the line to maintain the temperature. As long as the Green BAKE light is on, the stove is on.

I'm SO glad I didn't call in a repair guy. That would have so humiliating, and rather demoralizing, too.

Dear God, thank you for letting me develop the stops that make me double check myself. Thank you for helping me not leap before I look. Amen

Monday, August 3, 2009

My first meal in my brand new oven...

So I thought, sort of starting over, I'd put some easy things into the freezer for some quick meals.

I thought I'd put away some chicken nuggets, I cut up chicken breasts into chunks, nuggets if you will, bread them with Shake and Bake and freeze them. Then I take a few out of the bag, pop them into the oven, and TADA, easy meal.

So, I cut up 4 breasts, breaded them, took 10 out and put them into the oven. While the nuggets were baking, I laid the rest out in a single layer and put them into the freezer.

Then I turned around and looked at the stove.

Which had stopped cooking.

It has a digital front, you push the Bake button, push the UP arrow for the temp, then push Bake again. Then 2 lights come on, one that says Bake and one that says Preheat. Both lights were out. The broiler still worked, so I broiled them the rest of the way, which resulted in very dry and tough nuggets.

So, to recap, my BRAND NEW STOVE that was just installed last week now doesn't work. It is still under warranty, so I will have someone come out and fix it for free.

But, Come on. Really? I need this, HOW?? The kitchen and bath were started in June, and I haven't minded. I'm ready for them to be done, but I want it done correctly, so I've been patient. But seriously. I WANT MY OVEN, and I WANT IT TO WORK PROPERLY.

Sunday, August 2, 2009


Today I cleaned my kitchen, put in shelf liners, and put away most of my kitchen stuff.

Tonight, I made a meal, ate it, and put the dishes into the washer.

I have laundry going, and I took a shower in my new shower.


I'll post some pictures of the house soon.

Despite my father's best attempt, I'm finally excited to have a pretty new-ish home.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

"Wedding" Trivia Friday

I know I'm not married, but I can do these!

Three movies with "wedding(s)" in the title: Wedding Singer, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Wedding Planner

Three songs with "wedding(s)" in the title: white wedding,

Three movies with "bride(s)" in the title: Father of the bride, Princess Bride, Bride of Frankenstein

Three songs with "marriage" or "marry" (or some variation) in the title:

Two famous brides from history or pop culture: Princess Diana, Madonna?

Two famous couples who are/were married for more than 30 years: George Burns and Gracie Allen,

Something old that a bride might have with her on her wedding day: heirloom handkerchief

Something new that a bride might have with her on her wedding day: dress

Something borrowed that a bride might have with her on her wedding day: earrings

Something blue that a bride might have with her on her wedding day: garter

Have you noticed that I don't ever know the song ones? OK, so maybe I don't know everything about weddings.