I have a friend from college, undergrad. We were quite the party-ers back in the day. Lots of bars and parties and guys and drinking, fun stories, hang-overs, bad dates, etc.
I went out quite a lot in grad school, too.
But then, when I graduated, I moved to a smallish town to be near a job, but the rest of the people I worked with lived in the farther away largish town. Then, I got laid off, dad got sick, I moved home. I worked part-time in sales, met a few people, went out a little, but since I was living at home, not a whole lot of going out. Then, I got a job in the town I currently work in. I met some new people, I started going out again.
Turns out, I didn't like it as much. I'm not sure if it was the people I was with (the friends I had at the time), or if it was me. I'm beginning to think it's me.
But, I started with my friend from undergrad. She updates her Facebook and Myspace regularly. I am regularly (confession time) jealous of her. Of the pictures she posts, of the stories she tells. Of the summer days on the lake with other good-looking women and men.
But then, I have a nice night with my friends. I tried 2 new recipes tonight, chicken fettuccine Alfredo and rice pudding. The pudding was good, the Alfredo needs a little work. We enjoyed company, watched the movie Click, I rocked Eli (2 1/2 years old), if I'd had 5 more minutes I'd have had her asleep in my arms.
And I'm not hungover. My house, apart from my kitchen sink, is very clean. I'll make church in the morning, and I won't look like death warmed over. I'll get yard stuff accomplished tomorrow afternoon. And I will feel better in the evening for it.
So, I'm thinking that maybe what I'm actually feeling isn't jealousy, maybe what I'm doing is recounting my youth. Remembering how much fun it had been. I'm thinking how much fun I had, but I have to say that I'm not unhappy where I am now.
I have good friends, a good job. I have enough money to do mostly what I want to do. I'm in a pretty good place.
All I'm missing now is a boyfriend :)
Dear God, Thank you, and I'm still waiting for the boyfriend. Amen