Monday, November 24, 2008

(sigh) One More Time

My Ex contacted me last week. Again.

Let the record show that at no time in the last 2.5 months, apart from the letter, have I contacted him. Not once. I haven't even really thought about it. He pretty much let me know it was over, and I accepted it.

In the last 10 days he has contacted me twice. The first time was the accusation of me being a psycho stalker, but the second time, it was to see how I'd feel about hooking up occasionally.

We texted this weekend, and I told him we needed to talk, face to face. He got all edgy and worried, and I had to calm him down and tell him I was just better in person than on the phone. Plus, it gives me a couple of days to get my thoughts in order.

And I've thought about this a lot. I don't want a fuck-buddy, I've done that before, and I'm not really that interested in it again. I'm like a camel, now. I can go for months, probably a year or two, before I feel like I'll NEED sex. And even then, if that's what you're looking for, it just isn't hard to find someone willing to help out with that.

My friend MLK (she's a short little white girl, makes me laugh) who occasionally reads this blog, thinks it's a terrible idea, I shouldn't talk to him or have any more to do with him at all.

(sigh)

Here's a couple of problems with that, though:

I'm 33, and at this point I'm getting tired of being single. I'd like to try this one more time with ex, because I really do like him. He's smart, funny, cute, has a job, takes care of family, and except for his [totally juvenile] reaction to my [totally over-the-top] over-reaction, he acted like an adult.

And, I'm old enough to understand that when you click with someone, sometimes it is worth the energy in trying to make it work, though I admit that at this point, most of the trying will have to be coming from his side.

I still don't have his # in my cell phone. When he calls, I delete it. And since I don't have easy access to his number, this ensures that I won't be calling him, he'll be calling me. I think that's fair and right. The previous ending was of his making, thus the reconnecting should also come from him.

I guess at this point, I'll just wait and see what his reaction will be to our discussion. I'm not holding out much hope, which is good, because it really is a 50/50 chance. Since I'm a realist (as opposed to a pessimist or optimist), I realize that he could just as easily decide it isn't worth the effort from his side.

Dear Lord, HELP ME. Show me the path you want me to take, and I'll TAKE IT! I swear! Amen.

3 comments:

sheree said...

ugh. What a tough situation. I hope God does show you the way...and soon!

Good luck!

Jolly Johnstons said...

Looks like you have a choice to make: to give him a chance, or not. You know my stance on the issue, and I know you are quite capable of making an intelligent decision. My advice to you is IF you desire to reconnect, do so on a platonic level first. Don't let physicalities (I love being in science so I can make up words!) interfere with the relationship yet. They mess things up. Trust me. Or not, like I said, you are very capable of making your own choices. But I would see if you have a viable relationship (friendship or otherwise) without sex. I like to think of a relationship as a house: Trust and friendship have to be in the foundation, sex is the mortar that holds the bricks together (or the nails that hold the siding on, whatever). You can tell that it wasn't a well thought out analogy, but I think it works. I'll be praying for you, that God will give you wisdom and strength. It hurts me when I see you hurting. Love you.

SUEB0B said...

I think it is hilarious that the thought you were a psycho stalker and wanted to have sex with you anyway. Men!

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