So, part of the thing about being bi-polar, and taking medicine for it, is that occasionally the medicine stops working as well as it has in the past. It's a bit like a pendulum, the drugs keep it swinging within a given range, sometimes something will push it really hard, and my mood will swing beyond what the medicine can cover.
Sometimes, though, the range changes very slowly, over time, so that the ranges that the drugs are keeping me in the wrong range.
It's a bit like watching a small child grow. Day to day, you don't see any changes. But if you go back and look at pictures, look at outgrown clothes, or take them to see grandparents, then you start to notice all the changes.
I've been getting worse for many months. It started little, like being a little testy at work sometimes, but with little to no provocation. Then it was every day, then all the time, until finally a week or two back, I realized that NOTHING was making me happy. I was always testy, frustrated, just not quite right. So we adjusted both the seroquel, which is used to control the mania, but also the lamictal, which is the base mood stabilizer that keeps me pretty much on an even keel.
OMG. It's only been 2 weeks, and I totally see the difference. I am focused, I pay attention, I'm getting up in the morning and staying awake, I'm in a generally better mood, it's been great.
Dear Lord, thank you for my health insurance, and for a job that provides it, thank you for modern psychiatric medication, and for my very nice, very capable psychiatrist. Amen