I went to see my psychiatrist yesterday, I've been not doing so well lately. Not sleeping well, not eating right, cranky, NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING makes me happy. I'm not happy at home alone, I'm not happy at home with company. I'm not happy staying in, and I'm not happy going out. I'm not happy with the food I eat, and I'm not happy when I don't eat. NOTHING makes me happy lately. I'm making excuses to not go out and be social, but then I get mad because I'm not going out and being social.
So Dr. B increased one of my medications. I started the new dose last night.
Oh my Goodness. I feel so much better today. The voices in my head must have gotten pretty loud lately, but kind of gradually, so that I wasn't aware of how loud they had gotten, until I took the increase in medication, and today those voices have shut up, and MAN ALIVE do I feel better. I can concentrate, I've gotten more done today than I have in weeks.
When I was first diagnosed, I was surprised at how much more normal I felt when the medication started to take effect. I didn't know it was that bad. The same way this time. I didn't realize how bad my moods had become, how hard I was fighting myself, how hard I was having to work just to function in a reasonable way.
I guess that comes with experience. I hope next time I won't let it go so long, I'll be paying better attention and get my medications adjusted early instead of late. But, My God Above, I am so glad I have the insurance to pay for the visits and medication so that I can functions properly again.
Lord, thank you for my good job with good benefits, thank you for doctors that listen and medications that work and enough money to pay for both of those things. amen.